yesterday i ate a fuck load.
well it was easter.
i had 2 eggs.
a bar of chocolate.
a cheese sandwich.
ice cream
& potatoes with veg.
gah much?

today i've had:
a cheese sandwich
teensy bit of choc.
400cals?

tomorrow i'm gonna try only have a 10cal yoghurt.

i could binge right now.
i want chocolate and crap.
my stomach's rumbling.
but i'll never reach my goal if i eat.
i want rid of the fat on my knees.
round my waste.
on my face.
i'm minging.

i've got 88 days before i go to florida
i've got about 19lbs to lose before then.
i've got to lose 0.2lbs everyday.
i've got to lose 1lb every 5 days.
it's definitely possible.

plan:

23/3 (easter): try eat a lot of easter eggs. get rid of them
24/3 : same as day before. walk into town and get panics album.
25/3 : back at school. jelly for lunch. soup for dinner. 1 slice of bread
26/3 : jelly for lunch. nothing for dinner hopefully. if not, soup.
27/3 : yoghurt and jelly for lunch. nothing for dinner.
28/3 : 1 slice of bread for lunch. go swimming. toast for dinner.
29/3 : 1 bowl of cereal. long bike run. chicken and sweet n sour sauce with some prawn crackers for dinner.

30/3 : lots of revision. chicken chow mein thing for dinner.

we'll see how that goes [:

So here i am.
I'm off school cause 2 days ago i was violently sick everywhere, 7 times. eurgh. It's just a bug thats going round but. I'm once again, gonna try ignore my anorexia love and try get to 98lbs the healthy way. I also kinda think i'm constipated, which i know is minging to know, but yeah, it hurts.
I'm thinking i might try a detox, that way i can feel a lot better cause i feel like utter crap atm.
Well later. x

Okay so it's the 11th February, nearly a year since my life became a living hell.
Firstly, i'm a 15 year old girl that lives in Scotland. Thats all any of you will ever need to know.
Last April 1st, i began going out with my first proper boyfriend, Craig. He was everything i needed. But he was a jealous fucker and kept dumping me because he thought i fancied other guys, when really, i loved him. I spent every weekend with him, and every minute at school with him. We wrote each other letters too, 'love notes.'
I must admit, we did too much considering i was only 14 at the time. I let him, 'touch' me, and i did him the favour back. It felt right, but now, i regret it so so much. Anyway, i then went to France with the school and he dumped me. Then got back together with me when i got back. Then, June 6th, he dumped me for the last time. & it was over.
At the time i was heart broken. Felt like utter crap, i cried myself to sleep every night. I truly believed he'd be the guy i would marry. Wrong.
It was the summer holidays and i began to feel bad in myself. I'd look in the mirror and think that the reason i got dumped was because i was ugly, and too fat.
I guess when i noticed a difference in the way i ate was August 5th. I started off eating about 600calories a day easily. Then, i started binging. So i would ram my fingers down my throat until it all came back up.
I started restricting heavier, trying different 'plans', in a bid to become 74lbs. When i headed back to school i was about a stone lighter than i started. I was roughly 98lbs. Which is normal for someone of 5ft.
At school i would have nothing to eat until dinner, where i would eat whatever i was given and then throw it up later. Things got bad.
I started getting diarohea whenever i ate anythin at all. So i would 'fast' twice a week and eat about 2000calories in total for the other 5 days. Yet, i still binged so never lost much. I hit about 96lbs.
My mum and sister found my diary and clicked that i had become anorexic. I never wrote about my binging/purging phases. They took me to the doctors and i cried and cried and cried. They were getting me a councillor. A woman i still see 4 months later.
I have relapsed many times. Going back to my old habits for a few days and then binging and binging, but not purging.

Atm i am at my heighest weight ever as i still binge, but don't restrict or purge. I'm at 110lbs.

I'm going to get back to 98lbs.
At least.
xx